Daddio Patio

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Here's an episode where 4 subhumans gather in the morning sun and wish they lived in a simpler time - a time when mana, magic, spells, and dragons were everywhere. Was any of that real, or were people just stupid back then? Was life simple and beautiful, or just s h i t t y ? Anyway it's time we revealed John Hammond's true agenda. 
Direct download: DP120_-_Medieval_Pizziola.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:49pm PDT

This one ain't for the faint of heart. We're talkin' about boogers, wedgies, nipple twists, and all of the other cruel and unusual punshment that older brothers inflict on their younger brothers. This one was 9 years in the making, Lance's little brother finally joins us to defend himself after all of the stories Lance has told over the years. We also briefly mention the philosophical value of comedy, or something like that. Anyway remember when they threw Joe Pesci's whitie tightie wearing corpse in that hole?

Direct download: DP119_-_Brotherhood.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:18am PDT

Hey remember when we had those snow days? We recorded an episode from the comfort of our homes, but never released it. Now that it's snowing again it seems appropriate. We had dogs growlin and cats howlin but we were still able to talk about some of the classics. Orthodontic scams, Joe Pesci, PB&J's and apes. Catch a fuckin snowflake on your tongue. 

Direct download: DP118_-_Tomato_Baboon.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:05pm PDT

This Daddio Patio classic will have you pumped for the big game. 

Direct download: DADDIO_DUNGEON_-_Episode_68_-_Sports__Agreements.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:26pm PDT

What more needs to be said?

 

- All credit where it's due.

Direct download: DP117_-_ROCKY_2.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:00pm PDT

Hey here's a fact that might melt your face off like Raiders of the Lost Arc - Fatbody joined us for this digital episode. That's right, although we couldn't be together in person, we used the power of the internet to connect and talk about extracting oil from George Lucas' neck. Join us, drink from the empty glass, smoke a bit of the future, kick back, put on a diaper, have some fun. It's just the apocalypse.

Direct download: DP116_-_Homicron_Alonicron.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:28pm PDT

We jumped the shark years ago. Does it even matter what we talk about anymore? Anyway we kind of recap 2021. This episode is remote, right back where we started, from the comfort of our own homes, with the virus swirling around outside (and inside 40% of the hosts). Anyway, we hope you jump right on into 2022 with our dumb podcast in your airpods. See ya there. 

Direct download: DP115_-_Poop_22.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:02pm PDT

In another late night phone call, Peach and Andy discuss high scores, Rocky 5, Kiosks, shoes, and pens. We may have crossed the line this time, but did anyone ever stop to ask why that line is there? What's the line called? Anyway Rocky 5 sucked. 

Direct download: HB3_-_Prime_Meridian.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:38am PDT

Tony Soprano had his head transplanted onto a robot mantis body at the end of The Sopranos. We’re not sorry for spoiling that, it should be common knowledge by now. 

Hey, we’re back with 4/5 original cast members, but still 5 boys. Remember the school picnic? The same salt & pepper shaker ride ran for at least 50 years with 0 maintenance. Is unsupervised fun a thing of the past like those little glass carnival prize pictures? Also, isn’t it crazy how you can go into a thrift store and buy the last photo of someone for $2? Also, whats the latest on the head transplant?

All this and more. Makin' your way in the world today takes everything ya got - we're always glad ya came.

Direct download: DP114_-_Grandmas_Last_Picture.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:29pm PDT

In the spirit of holiday generosity, here's a bonus installment of our late nite call series "Help the Bear". This time Peach & Andy talk about Nu Metal, Walnuts, Basketball Arcades, and gas station products. Nothin' special, just some buds having a BS session. You're welcome!

Direct download: Help_the_Bear_2.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:31pm PDT

Hey MFers we're back. Do you remember that Daddio Patio was almost named jail? Well those criminals do, they were forced to listen to it. This time we talk about all kindsa ridiculousness. Mark Zuck or whatever wants to make the multiverse? A laughing sickness in Japan? VR mass shootings? Will Collin make it to his final destination? Oh also please buy our latest product from the late night TV ad. You won't want to miss this one, order now and get the double VHS set of Butlers Gone Feral.

Direct download: DP113_-_Butlers_Gone_Feral.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:34pm PDT

It's finally here, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE SEQUEL TO THE CHICAGO WRASSLIN ROAD TRIP EPISODE. That's right, after all the isolation, Peach & Andy get back on the road to pick up where the left off.

Caffiene induced anxiety? you got it. Country Fried steak from Cracker Barrel? Of course! Advertisements? You bet your freakin Alanis Morisette CD we got em. 
 
This episode is recorded on the road, by the road, for the road, and in the damn road. Please excuse our dear aunt sally for the variations in audio quality. We’ll be back in the stu soon enough. 
 
Thanks for listening, go live your gimmick. 
Direct download: Liveyourgimmicknotnoralized.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:57pm PDT

On a late night phone call, Peach & Andy ask the important questions. What's the deal with unicycles? What do the different colors of Nike Air Monarchs mean? Why can't those pesky priests just stop molesting kids? How come gratuitous violence can be seen on regular tv, but female nipples are censored? Is it possible to be a successful adult in America without being a total hypocrite? They also recap some of the most memorable super bowl performances. All this and more on this late nite bonus episode. 

 

ALSO: Look out for the sequel to "DP99 - Live Your Gimmick" coming soon!

Direct download: HELP_THE_BEARv3.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:06pm PDT

We're back. That's right, the first official episode of 2021 - it only took us 7 months. You thought we grew out of ass & sack jokes? NO! We grew IN to the show. This episode was recorded on an actual patio, with a couple of actual dads. We earned this. Anyway, we ask a few burning questions. What if George Costanza never went bald? Why did Lance kill so many lightning bugs? Why did God see it fit to take John Denver from this world? DID BUTTERFREE HAVE SHOES ON?? Also, Peach recounts his first time in the boxing ring! This is a long episode, but there was a lot to cover.
Some say we are crusty, sweaty, and forgotten. To that we say - yes.
Thanks for listening.
Direct download: DP111_-_Between_the_Foot__the_Flop.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:03pm PDT

Not to be a dungeon of pessimism, but 2020 sucked. We never meant to cause you any sorrow, we never meant to cause you any pain. The Daddios put one more masked episode in the books for this shitty year. This is the funniest, most carefree episode we've done in a long time. All of your favorite DP topics are covered: snacks, strange addictions, Lance abusing his little brother, public pools, sandwiches, janitors, video games, and everything else your calloused little 2020 heart yearns for. 

Notable absence: orange man. It's time we all reach out for something new, that means you too. But hey, don't forget - poop comes with us into 2021. Things have been tough, but we've managed to keep our sanity by laughing at the absurd and insane things in this world. Thanks for giggling with us. We'll see ya next year. 

Direct download: DP110_-_Neck_Store_Next_Door_3rd.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:27pm PDT

With a slight lifting of the psychological weight, the Daddios come back in a glorious return to form. This episode has all of the absurdity, philosophy, nostalgia, animal discussions, and bullshit that you've come to expect from your esteemed hosts. Of course, we're still masked in the dark basement. 

Speaking of psychological weight, being an educator must be very difficult. It's a damn shame that most educators are not paid accordingly. I mean, they're only responsible for a whole generation of minds. The Daddios call friend and longtime listener Alex to ask him about his experience as a middle school teacher. Alex took it upon himself to give us a talkin-to. That's right, we were disciplined on our own show. 

Clearly, the boys didn't grow up, they then discuss the future of nudity, and Collin reveals that he himself is DairyDaddy on OnlyFans. 

All this and more, but fair warning: this episode contains spoilers from the Frog and Toad books. 

It's good to be back. 

Direct download: DP109_-_Hole_Milk.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:45am PDT

By popular demand, the demon has been vanquished. Hey, we never set out to talk politics on this podcast, but it's been pretty hard to ignore over the last 4 years. I mean, a reality tv show guy who is painted up like a fucking insecure idiot has been actively undermining democracy at every turn, while shouting thinly-veiled racist, sexist, and bigoted language to applauding crows of lost souls. Kinda weird, right?

Hey, if you supported T**mp, that's really fucking stupid (and shitty), but there is still time to change. Wake up, he's a con artist with an empty cavity where a heart should be. Also, for the first time, we let his ugly-ass name ring out on our airwaves, but only because this is a victory lap, and our editor is a lazy piece of shit. 

Alright, now that that's over with, on to the important stuff: Three of the Daddios gathered in Andy's centipede dungeon, masked, amidst the backdrop of an ongoing global pandemic. Important question - after the boys die, who will carry the Daddio Patio torch and illuminate this dark world? Wouldn't you like to know! They each elect a successor on this episode. Dr. Sant makes a digital appearance, as does an old friend who reminds Andy of a plum-flavored promise he made years ago. 

All this and more on a new episode that is equal parts sincere, and insane. 

Direct download: DP108_-_What_is_Revenge.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:40pm PDT

Once again, The Daddios took refuge from 2020 in Andy’s basement. They found little comfort, as they were instantly reminded of the house centipede infestation down there in the darkness. They had to talk about the current state of things - masks, the clown dictator, bugs, global pandemic, etc. Seems all bad right? Wrong! At the time of recording Lancey Boy was on the precipice of validating the title of the show -- That’s right, becoming a DAD! The first of The Daddios to become a real Daddio. Amazing. 

Also, after showing up with shrimp, Collin beats his microphone like Rocky beat his meat. After a few technical difficulties, the boys get back on track. Dr. Sant joins via phone from the tip of a mountain in Colorado! 

The world is pretty crazy right now, but still, there is beauty all around. We've found renewed appreciation for the small things amidst the ugliness of 2020. We hope you can too. Thanks for laughing with us. 

Direct download: DP_106_-_22I_dont_know._You_know_Who_knows22.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:13am PDT

Some people are lucky enough to exit this world in a painless, non-memorable way. Some people decide to have a JO session in the closet while choking themselves. Will they get off or pay the ultimate price? Check the front page of the newspaper in Thailand to find out, it might spoil the ending of Kill Bill for you though. The thing is, it’s hard to overshadow death by auto-erotic asphyxiation, or whatever it’s called. Didn’t that happen in the movie “World’s Greatest Dad”? Idk, we can’t remember, the only thing that sticks out from that movie is Robin Williams’ bare balls in the pool. 

Anyway, we gathered in the basement, masked, amidst the collapsing society around us to discuss the usual: 90’s movies, the pitfalls of social media usage, death, Mortal Kombat, our “Dear Leader”, and of course— poo poo pee pee jokes. Dr. Sant makes a physical appearance, can you believe it?

After laughing about death, the Daddios ponder— are we evil? We asked the question just before the centipedes took over the basement and Lance’s death screams shattered the foundation of Andy’s house. 

Direct download: dp105_fixed_for_real.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:47am PDT

Is this an episode? Is it not? Who knows. We do know that the Mummy Ride at Universal Studios is scary. We also know that Stryker was easily the worst Mortal Kombat character. Stryker was the ancestor to Paul Blart. 

Anyway this episode comes to you from our new spooky basement studio, we are still working out the kinks and getting the sound right, so bear with us. If you know anything about Daddio Patio, you know that we don’t know what we are doing. We genuinely thought we were going to retire after 100, but the Pentagram summoned us and our shared subconscious forced us to make this recording. 

Thanks for laughin’ with us. It’s good to be here. 

Direct download: DP101_-_The_Show_Must_Respawn.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:57pm PDT

Is this an episode? Is it not? Who knows. We do know that the Mummy Ride at Universal Studios is scary. We also know that Stryker was easily the worst Mortal Kombat character. Stryker was the ancestor to Paul Blart. 

Anyway this episode comes to you from our new spooky basement studio, we are still working out the kinks and getting the sound right, so bear with us. If you know anything about Daddio Patio, you know that we don’t know what we are doing. We genuinely thought we were going to retire after 100, but the Pentagram summoned us and our shared subconscious forced us to make this recording. 

Thanks for laughin’ with us. It’s good to be here. 

Direct download: DP101_-_The_Show_Must_Respawn.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:57pm PDT

Andy lays it all out there, bare and shining for the world to see. Lance gives a stranger the Mandible Claw, Dr. Sant chimes in from isolation, Peach draws a line in the sand with your blood, and Collin wears a tux tighter than an Elvis impersonator.  

 

WE GOT SOMETHIN TO SAY

Direct download: DP_ANNOUNCEMENT.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:51pm PDT

If you’ve never listened to Daddio Patio, don’t start now, this is very likely our last episode. We tuned up the band for this one and played all the hits. From public restroom humor, to philosophical questions, to observations about the modern world, to raw and unfiltered honesty, we did it all, all over again. Hey, is an above-ground pool really a pool, or is it a tub? Does it have to be in the ground to be a pool? We also did something we rarely do, we broke the 4th wall and talked about the podcast. We shared some of the memories / laughs we had making the show. 

 

-When we started this show in 2013, the world was a different place. This podcast was just a whim that we acted upon one night. We came up with the name Daddio Patio only seconds before we started recording. At that time, our recording device was just an iPhone sitting in the middle of the table. We never imagined it would have any listeners, let alone tens of thousands of downloads from around the world. We never anticipated doing 100 episodes. Many regular / long spanning podcasts are paid or sponsored, ours was primarily an excuse for us to enjoy each other’s company, and share some laughs. 

 

Over the years, it’s also become a time capsule, and a snapshot of our minds at the time. From profound to absurd, we’ve said a lot of things. Some were ideas that we still carry, some are not, some were meant to be taken seriously, and some were absolutely, definitely not. Our show was always in pursuit of hilarity and truth at the same time, often seamlessly jumping back and forth.  

 

While the world, and circumstance changed around us, one thing never did: our love for each other, and making this dumb podcast. None of the traveling, moving, stolen laptops, crashed hard drives, or life events could stop us from doing this dumb shit, and that’s pretty cool. 

 

We want to thank everyone who was involved with Daddio Patio in any way whatsoever. Whether you made our live shows possible, created artwork, appeared as a guest, called in, wrote reviews, subscribed, or just laughed with us, we truly appreciate you. We hope that Daddio Patio meant something to you. 

 

The future is unknown, and we are pulling into shore for now. Whether or not we ever make another Daddio Patio episode— it doesn’t matter. Daddio Patio is infinite, it’s forever, it’s in us and it’s in you. Also, it’s a stain on our permanent records, and it’s on the internet forever. 

 

Seriously though, thank you for laughing with us. 

 

DAAAAAAADDDDIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

FUCKIN

PATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo

Direct download: DP100_-_In-ground_Podcast.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:49pm PDT

As promised here’s part 2 of episode 99. Again, there are a lot of life events covered in this one. Every member of the original cast makes an appearance, along with many of our prized guests and loved ones. Lance goes from boy to man in this very episode! This episode slowly devolves as insanity and substances take over our minds and conversations. The grand irony of covering our real lives, and life events, is that this episode lands right back where we started, all the way back in 2013— shouting crazy ideas at each other to build a tower of ridiculous imagination, and laugh in unison. Would you eat human meat if it had Sybergs sauce on it? 
 
Lot’s of life changes, but it’s the same as it ever was. Thanks for listening, stay tuned for episode 100, just over the horizon. We love sending our nonsense out into the airwaves, and we appreciate you  now and forever.
Direct download: DP99_-_Part_2.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:30pm PDT

This time on daddio patio we cut our lives in two pieces. This was our last resort. With our show’s hosts scattering in the wind, and life events all the time, we decided to take the show on the road. Whether or not you know us personally, this episode is a montage of a few recent life events. Big Peachy Sosa had a birthday, so the first episode covers Andy and Peach living their wrestling fan gimmick lifestyle, and driving to Chicago to see wrestling shows all weekend. Collin, Dr. Sant, and Lance all make phone appearances while they’re on the road. There are more than a few cracker barrel stops, and a return to form as andy and peach sell you their favorite products between segments. Be sure to check out part 2 of this episode, as it captures friendship under the stars, Lancey boy’s bachelor party, and his wedding. Thanks for listening to Daddio Patio, we love ya. 

Direct download: DP99_-_Part_1.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:25pm PDT

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