Daddio Patio

Not to be a dungeon of pessimism, but 2020 sucked. We never meant to cause you any sorrow, we never meant to cause you any pain. The Daddios put one more masked episode in the books for this shitty year. This is the funniest, most carefree episode we've done in a long time. All of your favorite DP topics are covered: snacks, strange addictions, Lance abusing his little brother, public pools, sandwiches, janitors, video games, and everything else your calloused little 2020 heart yearns for. 

Notable absence: orange man. It's time we all reach out for something new, that means you too. But hey, don't forget - poop comes with us into 2021. Things have been tough, but we've managed to keep our sanity by laughing at the absurd and insane things in this world. Thanks for giggling with us. We'll see ya next year. 

Direct download: DP110_-_Neck_Store_Next_Door_3rd.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:27pm PST

With a slight lifting of the psychological weight, the Daddios come back in a glorious return to form. This episode has all of the absurdity, philosophy, nostalgia, animal discussions, and bullshit that you've come to expect from your esteemed hosts. Of course, we're still masked in the dark basement. 

Speaking of psychological weight, being an educator must be very difficult. It's a damn shame that most educators are not paid accordingly. I mean, they're only responsible for a whole generation of minds. The Daddios call friend and longtime listener Alex to ask him about his experience as a middle school teacher. Alex took it upon himself to give us a talkin-to. That's right, we were disciplined on our own show. 

Clearly, the boys didn't grow up, they then discuss the future of nudity, and Collin reveals that he himself is DairyDaddy on OnlyFans. 

All this and more, but fair warning: this episode contains spoilers from the Frog and Toad books. 

It's good to be back. 

Direct download: DP109_-_Hole_Milk.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:45am PST

By popular demand, the demon has been vanquished. Hey, we never set out to talk politics on this podcast, but it's been pretty hard to ignore over the last 4 years. I mean, a reality tv show guy who is painted up like a fucking insecure idiot has been actively undermining democracy at every turn, while shouting thinly-veiled racist, sexist, and bigoted language to applauding crows of lost souls. Kinda weird, right?

Hey, if you supported T**mp, that's really fucking stupid (and shitty), but there is still time to change. Wake up, he's a con artist with an empty cavity where a heart should be. Also, for the first time, we let his ugly-ass name ring out on our airwaves, but only because this is a victory lap, and our editor is a lazy piece of shit. 

Alright, now that that's over with, on to the important stuff: Three of the Daddios gathered in Andy's centipede dungeon, masked, amidst the backdrop of an ongoing global pandemic. Important question - after the boys die, who will carry the Daddio Patio torch and illuminate this dark world? Wouldn't you like to know! They each elect a successor on this episode. Dr. Sant makes a digital appearance, as does an old friend who reminds Andy of a plum-flavored promise he made years ago. 

All this and more on a new episode that is equal parts sincere, and insane. 

Direct download: DP108_-_What_is_Revenge.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:40pm PST

We're still in this damn pandemic, so the boys had another masked conversation in the basement. This week, we were sans Sant. Collin was not physically present, but still made an appearance. The Swan King actually flew over the pond to join us. 

Hey what the hell is sauce? I mean we know what it is but what's the origin story? What was the first sauce? Also, how do Cool Ranch Doritos look under a microscope? Has society gone past sincerity on the internet? Is there any purpose in stating how you feel on Facebook? Is that just inviting ridicule? Why did the guy from Sugar Ray get so mad when someone called him Sugar Gay? Isn't it obvious that homophobia is dumb obsolete bullshit? 

Also, Lance shares some thoughts on parenthood. His words are heartfelt and sincere, from a new father's perspective - it could bring a tear to a statue's eye. 

Our show is often ridiculous, and overflowing with shit jokes. This one's a little more serious than usual, but that's okay, we're in weird times. 

Okay, now go vote. 

Direct download: dp107_blooming_onion.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 6:47pm PST

Once again, The Daddios took refuge from 2020 in Andy’s basement. They found little comfort, as they were instantly reminded of the house centipede infestation down there in the darkness. They had to talk about the current state of things - masks, the clown dictator, bugs, global pandemic, etc. Seems all bad right? Wrong! At the time of recording Lancey Boy was on the precipice of validating the title of the show -- That’s right, becoming a DAD! The first of The Daddios to become a real Daddio. Amazing. 

Also, after showing up with shrimp, Collin beats his microphone like Rocky beat his meat. After a few technical difficulties, the boys get back on track. Dr. Sant joins via phone from the tip of a mountain in Colorado! 

The world is pretty crazy right now, but still, there is beauty all around. We've found renewed appreciation for the small things amidst the ugliness of 2020. We hope you can too. Thanks for laughing with us. 

Direct download: DP_106_-_22I_dont_know._You_know_Who_knows22.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:13am PST

Some people are lucky enough to exit this world in a painless, non-memorable way. Some people decide to have a JO session in the closet while choking themselves. Will they get off or pay the ultimate price? Check the front page of the newspaper in Thailand to find out, it might spoil the ending of Kill Bill for you though. The thing is, it’s hard to overshadow death by auto-erotic asphyxiation, or whatever it’s called. Didn’t that happen in the movie “World’s Greatest Dad”? Idk, we can’t remember, the only thing that sticks out from that movie is Robin Williams’ bare balls in the pool. 

Anyway, we gathered in the basement, masked, amidst the collapsing society around us to discuss the usual: 90’s movies, the pitfalls of social media usage, death, Mortal Kombat, our “Dear Leader”, and of course— poo poo pee pee jokes. Dr. Sant makes a physical appearance, can you believe it?

After laughing about death, the Daddios ponder— are we evil? We asked the question just before the centipedes took over the basement and Lance’s death screams shattered the foundation of Andy’s house. 

Direct download: dp105_fixed_for_real.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:47am PST

Forrest Gump 2

Haley Joel Osmond stars as a simple man navigating the complexities of 2020 America. JK they should never make a sequel to Forrest Gump, it was the best movie ever made and 10/10 rational individuals agree. 

Oh, yeah, we also tackle some heavy topics on this episode, many of which we are not the best voice on because we are 4 white dudes in a basement. Namely, police brutality, systemic racism, slavery, incarceration, and other cruel, racist bullshit that humanity does. We also get into some lighter topics like reincarnation, Richard Simmons, Scientology, and euthanasia by rollercoaster. 

No one is static, we are always changing. It’s difficult to talk about these things, but if we’re wrong, we’re wrong. We are doing our best to learn, listen, and evolve. We hope this episode brings some insight, or some laughter to your weird ass year. 

See ya next time, hopefully sooner than later. Remember, we don’t all have to agree on everything. 

Direct download: DP104_-_Forrest_Gump_2.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:46am PST

This is a long one, but hey, you probably have some time. As you may know, we have a new studio, and our episodes sound great now! Too bad we can’t use the studio at the moment. This time we met on Zoom, and did our best to deliver whatever it is that you people want from us.

This time around we were reminded that sanity rests on a thin line. How many steps removed are you from painting your walls with your own shit? Lance is almost there, but he's not gonna use his bare hands like a savage, he's got a brush. 

Speaking of shit, fuck Donald Trump and his evil minions. Sadly, we dedicated some of our precious time and energy to discussing the orange clown again. The current administration's corruption and ineptitude is inseparable from our current circumstances. Please wake up if you’re still listening to that villain. 

Also we would like to take this time to apologize... TO ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. Anyway, hope you and yours are safe. We'll see ya again soon. 

Direct download: DP103_-_Thank_the_Sun_for_Everything_it_Done.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 3:42pm PST

Recorded Sunday March 22 2020.

Daddio Patio is not partisan or political — but we are committed to the search for truth. 

First of all, during this constantly changing situation, please consult experts and reliable sources for the truth and up-to-date information regarding the pandemic. we are doing our best not to contribute to the spread of misinformation, but we also needed to talk to each other about things we have heard or read. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE PRESIDENT, he is full of shit, and has been for his entire life. Speaking of that low life piece of shit, we usually censor his name, but this time we let it ring out. His name must be heard and associated with the current state of things. Let his legacy be that he dropped the ball in the face of obvious danger, and prioritized profits, and his corrupt, inept administration over the health of the American people. He's a little orange coward who doesn’t deserve any more of our attention. Listen to medical professionals. 

fact check-

Kittens meow to let their mother know that they are in need, adult cats continue to meow, but not to each other, they often do this to get attention from humans

40% of americans cannot afford a $400 emergency - not 50%

Harry S Truman’s motto was “the buck stops here” not FDR

The incoming trump administration was briefed by the outgoing Obama administration regarding global pandemic. Over 2/3s of that team is no longer with the trump administration becasue of the remarkable turnover rate. Trump’s former national security advisor John Bolton Oversaw the dissolution of the NSC’s global health security and biodefense section. The office was tasked with preparing for when (not if) another global pandemic struck. Trump disbanded the team because he has no relationship to science or truth, and he DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.

Please remember that we are not experts, In these trying times we are doing our best to be responsible with our words. ALSO, it's important that you remember we are just joking about many of the scenarios / ideas we talk about. Guilliotines are just for a laugh people, lighten up. 

Direct download: DP102_-_Mummy_Mommy_Money.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:51pm PST

Is this an episode? Is it not? Who knows. We do know that the Mummy Ride at Universal Studios is scary. We also know that Stryker was easily the worst Mortal Kombat character. Stryker was the ancestor to Paul Blart. 

Anyway this episode comes to you from our new spooky basement studio, we are still working out the kinks and getting the sound right, so bear with us. If you know anything about Daddio Patio, you know that we don’t know what we are doing. We genuinely thought we were going to retire after 100, but the Pentagram summoned us and our shared subconscious forced us to make this recording. 

Thanks for laughin’ with us. It’s good to be here. 

Direct download: DP101_-_The_Show_Must_Respawn.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:57pm PST

Is this an episode? Is it not? Who knows. We do know that the Mummy Ride at Universal Studios is scary. We also know that Stryker was easily the worst Mortal Kombat character. Stryker was the ancestor to Paul Blart. 

Anyway this episode comes to you from our new spooky basement studio, we are still working out the kinks and getting the sound right, so bear with us. If you know anything about Daddio Patio, you know that we don’t know what we are doing. We genuinely thought we were going to retire after 100, but the Pentagram summoned us and our shared subconscious forced us to make this recording. 

Thanks for laughin’ with us. It’s good to be here. 

Direct download: DP101_-_The_Show_Must_Respawn.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:57pm PST

Andy lays it all out there, bare and shining for the world to see. Lance gives a stranger the Mandible Claw, Dr. Sant chimes in from isolation, Peach draws a line in the sand with your blood, and Collin wears a tux tighter than an Elvis impersonator.  

 

WE GOT SOMETHIN TO SAY

Direct download: DP_ANNOUNCEMENT.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:51pm PST

If you’ve never listened to Daddio Patio, don’t start now, this is very likely our last episode. We tuned up the band for this one and played all the hits. From public restroom humor, to philosophical questions, to observations about the modern world, to raw and unfiltered honesty, we did it all, all over again. Hey, is an above-ground pool really a pool, or is it a tub? Does it have to be in the ground to be a pool? We also did something we rarely do, we broke the 4th wall and talked about the podcast. We shared some of the memories / laughs we had making the show. 

 

-When we started this show in 2013, the world was a different place. This podcast was just a whim that we acted upon one night. We came up with the name Daddio Patio only seconds before we started recording. At that time, our recording device was just an iPhone sitting in the middle of the table. We never imagined it would have any listeners, let alone tens of thousands of downloads from around the world. We never anticipated doing 100 episodes. Many regular / long spanning podcasts are paid or sponsored, ours was primarily an excuse for us to enjoy each other’s company, and share some laughs. 

 

Over the years, it’s also become a time capsule, and a snapshot of our minds at the time. From profound to absurd, we’ve said a lot of things. Some were ideas that we still carry, some are not, some were meant to be taken seriously, and some were absolutely, definitely not. Our show was always in pursuit of hilarity and truth at the same time, often seamlessly jumping back and forth.  

 

While the world, and circumstance changed around us, one thing never did: our love for each other, and making this dumb podcast. None of the traveling, moving, stolen laptops, crashed hard drives, or life events could stop us from doing this dumb shit, and that’s pretty cool. 

 

We want to thank everyone who was involved with Daddio Patio in any way whatsoever. Whether you made our live shows possible, created artwork, appeared as a guest, called in, wrote reviews, subscribed, or just laughed with us, we truly appreciate you. We hope that Daddio Patio meant something to you. 

 

The future is unknown, and we are pulling into shore for now. Whether or not we ever make another Daddio Patio episode— it doesn’t matter. Daddio Patio is infinite, it’s forever, it’s in us and it’s in you. Also, it’s a stain on our permanent records, and it’s on the internet forever. 

 

Seriously though, thank you for laughing with us. 

 

DAAAAAAADDDDIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

FUCKIN

PATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo

Direct download: DP100_-_In-ground_Podcast.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:49pm PST

As promised here’s part 2 of episode 99. Again, there are a lot of life events covered in this one. Every member of the original cast makes an appearance, along with many of our prized guests and loved ones. Lance goes from boy to man in this very episode! This episode slowly devolves as insanity and substances take over our minds and conversations. The grand irony of covering our real lives, and life events, is that this episode lands right back where we started, all the way back in 2013— shouting crazy ideas at each other to build a tower of ridiculous imagination, and laugh in unison. Would you eat human meat if it had Sybergs sauce on it? 
 
Lot’s of life changes, but it’s the same as it ever was. Thanks for listening, stay tuned for episode 100, just over the horizon. We love sending our nonsense out into the airwaves, and we appreciate you  now and forever.
Direct download: DP99_-_Part_2.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:30pm PST

This time on daddio patio we cut our lives in two pieces. This was our last resort. With our show’s hosts scattering in the wind, and life events all the time, we decided to take the show on the road. Whether or not you know us personally, this episode is a montage of a few recent life events. Big Peachy Sosa had a birthday, so the first episode covers Andy and Peach living their wrestling fan gimmick lifestyle, and driving to Chicago to see wrestling shows all weekend. Collin, Dr. Sant, and Lance all make phone appearances while they’re on the road. There are more than a few cracker barrel stops, and a return to form as andy and peach sell you their favorite products between segments. Be sure to check out part 2 of this episode, as it captures friendship under the stars, Lancey boy’s bachelor party, and his wedding. Thanks for listening to Daddio Patio, we love ya. 

Direct download: DP99_-_Part_1.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:25pm PST

This week the boys gather early in the morning to fill their holes with coffee. They try to sell you on the Apple ecosystem and all of the goofy tech stuff you can do with it. Hey, you ever notice how tech bros have the absolute worst style? Yet they are leading the changes in humanity. Should we really trust people who can't dress themselves with any taste? Anyway, we send Dr. Sant off to the mountains in the way he would have wanted it, unceremoniously. 

All of this nonsense and more on this episode. 

Direct download: DP98_-_Turtleneck_Gobbler_and_Holy_Hands.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:21pm PST

We're havin' a kick ass summer, and we hope you are too! Hey, did you know that July of 2019 was the hottest month on record, ever? Like, in all of recorded history. Good thing we have leaders that are intelligent and doing something about it. Fuck those demons. 

 

Also, if you like nerd stuff, or nostalgia for your childhood, this episode is for you. Our regular guest Schleicher joins us, along with Skull. Skull has recently started collecting and selling old video games, you can follow him @gamethangerz

 

Okay, great. Btw, we are not suggesting they bring back the guillotine, but if they do, we want front row seats so we can get splashed like a Gallagher show. Love yas and thanks for listening. HAKAS

Direct download: dp97_compressed_export_-_8_26_19_12.45_PM.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:27am PST

Direct download: DP96_-_Ghost_Puberty.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:10pm PST

Stupidity -- we can all be stupid in different ways, we all have our shortcomings. Stupidity has no specific brand, especially in this political climate. Dumbasses on the left and right can’t stop arguing while we all have to deal with a dumbass that dumbasses elected.

What’s there to do? believe Alex Jones conspiracy theories or try to out-liberal everyone on social media? Both of those options sound fuckin' stupid. 

Maybe it’s time to give it all over to the robot overlords, but wait, is their perfection and precision a form of stupidity? or are we stupid for having emotions?

The Daddios discuss all of this and more, but don’t end up with any real conclusions. Why? because we’re fuckin’ stupid.

Direct download: DP95_-_Robot_Peehole.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:29pm PST

An 80's movie with an unfortunate mishap, starring Robin Williams. This week we go way back, way before 23 and me DNA tests.

 

Direct download: DP94_-__bAcK_oN_tHiS_.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:55pm PST

People say we’re crazy, doin what we’re doin, but we’re back. This week, we recorded a daytime episode. Drinking coffee, staring out the window at the Cardinals playing in the midwestern snow, we couldn’t help but wonder. Do people = shit like Slipknot said? Or can we as humans aspire to whatever John Lennon imagined? Was John Lennon also a piece of shit? Is it really this simple, people being good & bad? Does a person ever reach a point at which they are completely beyond redemption? Social media would have you believe that for the smallest offense or deviation in thought, you should be ostracized from society. From politics, to boogers, this daytime episode probably has whatever you’re looking for in our shitty podcast. Thanks for listening. Three 6 Mafia forever, slob on my knob.

Direct download: DP93_-_Watching_the_Wheels.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:47pm PST

This week, sans van sant & joined by Anisa, the daddios discuss what's cool. How do we determine what's cool anyway? Why do we have all of these temperature adjectives for how we feel about things? The paradox of being cool, is the more that you want to be cool, the less cool you are. What accessories and gimmicks make you cool? Scars, eye patch, tiny bird, peg leg... pirates have all the gimmicks, but they're still less cool than cowboys. How can cowboys be so cool when the words "cow" and "boy" aren't really that cool? I guess everything is more than the sum of it's parts, and that's pretty cool. 

Direct download: DP92_-_Eloquent_Cowboys__Passive-Aggressive_Pirates.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 2:39am PST

This week, we're joined by our old friend Jared, you might remember him from the variety hour episode wayyy back in the day. There's no forgiving us for this one, this episode starts off pretty thoughtful and sincere, but has an M. Night Shyamalan twist at the end. We won't give anything away, but for the record, we'd like to state that it's not okay to drive drunk, but it is okay to get those bottom two ribs removed and live the rest of your days like Marilyn Manson, in pleasure. 

Direct download: DP91_-_Marilyn_Manson.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 2:36am PST

We're back. This week the Daddios really show their age by their inability to understand music genres that happened in like 2010.

Hey, are we on the wrong timeline? Will Smith turned down being Neo in The Matrix so he could be in Wild Wild West, then that movie spawned the steampunk subculture. Also, Nick Cage was supposed to be a Tim Burton Superman. So instead of all this potential, we got a reality tv clown for a president and a bunch of people pretending to still use steam. Every time you watch the news or see a steampunk, it's evidence that we are in the wrong reality. 

Can the daddios ever get back to the right timeline? it’s a cage match between ourselves, but we’re all in our own cages, wearing each other’s faces. Tune in this week to find out, also Lance sent an uzi back in time, wrapped in ballsac skin. If your salt suddenly turns to paprika, just know it's because someone in the past received it. 

 

Direct download: DP90_-_Cage_Match_Face_Off.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:57am PST

It’s been a little while, but we’re back. This week we’re talking about fights. What is it that makes humans so excited by violence, real or simulated? Are we still just a bunch of sophisticated primates? This leads the Daddios to deeper questions, like what brought humanity into self-awareness? Was it the touch of an alien’s fingers, or was it psilocybin mushrooms, was it Dave Thomas from Wendy’s? Also where were you on 9/11?

For an episode about violence and struggle, this one turned out to be pretty wholesome. Maybe it was the setting-- outdoors under the stars, beers in hand. Or maybe it was because Dr. Sant wasn’t there to shoot down our ignorant optimism with real, researched facts. Anyway, tune in this week, Andy gets punched in Ireland, Peaches has cero miedo, Collin learns to spell botulism, and Lance turns away from his rowdy, fighting’ old ways. The whole dang crew goes spelunking for a frosty.

This episode fought it's way from our actual patio, through the cosmos, and into your ear holes, enjoy. <3

Direct download: DP89_-_McDavis_With_Cheese.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:39pm PST

Hey it’s another episode from your absent hosts. Andy’s computer is still broken and there have been a lot of life events, so we’re doing the best we can! Anyway, what’s up with George Washington? He kinda looks weird. His original portrait that they based the dollar bill on is still hanging in the Crystal Bridges Museum in Bentonville Arkansas. It’s just too bad that beautiful museum of American art is built on Wal Mart blood money. Apparently, if you have enough money, you can get away with anything. Remember when Dick Cheny shot a guy? He’s more spooky than Danny DeVito as the Penguin.

Anyway we’re back like Arnold in Terminator 2, and by that I mean we’re coming into your pool hall butt nude to kick your ass. Hey what’s your favorite sword? It doesn’t matter, the Katana is clearly the best one. The Katana isn’t the only cool thing Japan has given us, this episode we discuss some of our favorite things from Japan (Nintendo, Pokemon, Motorcycles, Lance loves Hentai, etc). If Peaches was awake for the last 20 minutes of the show, he would have told us all about Japanese pro wrestling.

So get ready, we gonna piss on ya like a urinal. Episode 88, here we go.

(This episode contains a few misstated facts because all 5 of us are full of shit:

The emperor of Japan did not commit suicide after ww2, but the general of the Imperial Japanese Army Korechika Anami did by seppuku the morning after surrender - August 14 1945

The bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki killed roughly 300,000 people, not 900,000

The sword in Final Fantasy counts as a sword)

Direct download: DP88_-_P.H.C.R___Thanks_2_Japan.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:32am PST

Hey, sorry we're late, but we're actually not late, because this episode will come out before the last two we recorded come out, so ya see, we're really in the future. Anyway, Andy's computer broke and we're all busy, so there's been a delay, but we still managed to bring this episode to you with minimal technology, and no fancy editing. 

 

Anyway this episode is about peer pressure, or it was supposed to be. We veered off into talking about sandwiches that resemble your high school crush. If you didn't get to kiss em in high school, now's your chance. Also, have you ever been to the doctor inside Walgreens? or how about Family Dollar? Is all of this convenience and instant gratification making the world better or worse, and how does that relate to peer pressure? All of this meaningless drivel on an out-of-order episode from us to you. 

Direct download: DP87_-_Mummy_Sandwich.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 3:23pm PST

As living organisms, our bodies and minds have an incredible power to heal themselves. Throughout life, we encounter all these emotional and physical pains, but we just keep tickin', it's crazy! If your soul needs to be put on that machine that heals all six of your Pokemon at once, then check out this episode. This week, we're joined by Emily to discuss our scars, both emotional & physical. Join us!

Also, what the fuck is in a Slim Jim?

Direct download: DP86_-_Time_Helps_All_Wounds.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:41pm PST

This week, we have a long overdue dream guest: SKULL.

As usual, we talk about the slimey 90’s. What’s up with that? I mean we had a whole series of shows where people just got slimed, even the logos were slimy. Have you ever been slimed? or had any kind of oil spilled on you. One time Lance’s cousin spilled bacon grease on him, the revenge that Lance took was "the most heinous thing he's ever done to another human being". Tune in to find out what it was! 

Also, what the fuck are jeans for if they’re not for wiping your boogers on? Apparently they were introduced in 1849 during the gold rush to protect the knees of gold seekers. The 49ers went out in search of the gold, but jeans were way more lucrative. The gold was right in front of em the whole time! Sometimes the most valuable shit doesn’t twinkle. 

This episode starts out crisp, and crunchy, but it’s followed by a long slimy trail, kinda like pulling a booger out. Picking boogers is such a common thing, how come there aren’t any songs about it?

All this and more on episode 85. 

CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKA?

Direct download: DP85_-_Booger_Burger.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:04pm PST

Alright people, you asked for it and here it is! Five straight, white, aging, middle class, midwestern men sitting around mumbling about Taco Bell, the internet, and our changing world. Hey, we know you demand poo poo pee pee jokes and Mortal Kombat references from us, but it’s time to get serious, listen up! The world is in peril and Daddio Patio has all the solutions! 

Or wait… we thought we did! Shit, things change! That’s actually the topic of this episode: change. Our generation of millenials is unique because we saw the change from the pre and post internet eras. We got all the playin’ outside, real world, tangible fun, but still got the unprecedented access to information of the internet during our adolesence. 

Things have really changed since the 90’s, now Mark Zuckerburg has all of our information (we recorded this episode when he appeared for questioning). It’s kinda crazy that we operate in a society where everyone has a freakin’ audience now. Is that really healthy? Is that why we elected a reality TV clown to be our great leader? 

Can the physical world really match the stimulus that the internet and technology provide us with? And with all of this immediate access to information, is the human race on an express track to wisdom, or self-induced collapse? Can our geriatric overlords in government really comprehend the internet, or what’s going on in society right now?

Who freakin’ knows, but one thing’s for sure, the times, they are a changin’. So you better start swimmin’ or sink you’ll like a stone, and by that we mean you should back up your personality to an external hard drive before the singularity comes. 

Also, who’s half birthday is it? Which daddio’s dad has a birthday during this episode? Tune in and find out, this episode is a little different, but we think a change would do ya good. 

 

Direct download: DP84_-_Ch_Ch_Ch_Changes.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:31pm PST

We recorded this episode around St. Patrick’s day, so we talked about luck, Ireland, and all that kind of stuff. Speaking of luck, we had some back luck with this recording, the whole freakin’ episode sounds like you’re inside a microwave with five dudes. Speakin’ of warmth, there’s a lot of pee in this episode. Look, we’re not proud of it. Yeah this pottycast sounds like a lukewarm Hot Pocket in the microwave, but you should be grateful. If you’re a real fan, you’ll realize that this episode is just warm and golden as any of our past releases. 

Direct download: DP83_-_Peedetermined_Luck.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:31pm PST

Oh, you want another episode? Our pleasure!

On this episode of Daddio Patio, the Daddios are joined by Nick Schleicher to discuss the snacks that make us happy. Nothing like eating a little junk food to give you that moment of pleasure you need in this world of carnage and tragedy. Food just tastes amazing, especially when it’s horrible for your health. There’s just nothing like sinking your fangs into the caramel of yet another Samoa Girl Scout cookie only to realize you’ve consumed 300 grams of trans fat, your family’s gone and gravity’s yanking at your fat sunken-eyed carcass harder than ever.

Trash food is the American Dream! The red stripes on the Star Spangled Banner are made from high fructose corn syrup. Speakin’ of stripes and temporary pleasure, remember fruit stripe gum? The tattoos on the wrapper were almost as temporary as the flavor. The zebra was trying to teach us that happiness is always fleeting.

Sugars, salts and florescent colors? Gimme! We’re omnivores of the 21st century. Grind up a chicken soul, and put it on the dollar menu for me. Better yet, paint it orange and put it on the QT rollers so I can enjoy my impulse decision at the gas station. There are just so many flavors out there, so go on, have it your way, I’m lovin’ it!

God rest Wally Amos' living ghost, it’s the snack food episode! Enjoy!

 

Direct download: DP82_-_Mr._Milk.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:52pm PST

It’s down there, it always is. Even when you’re gone, your basement is there, underground, housing critters, waitin’ for ya. How many things have happened in your basement that you don’t even know about? How many ghosts do you think wander through there every night? 

 

And what’s the deal with the history of white people? They went around calling everyone “savages” while they did their barbaric bullshit, as if they were the undisputed protagonists the whole time. If aliens are watching, they gotta know that the pale humans are the evil ones. Is that why ghosts are pale?

 

Anyway, how’s it gonna be, when you don’t know us? How’s it gonna be after the apocalypse when there’s no electricity, and the 90’s are just a distant memory that only lives in our collective memory. How could we ever explain the emotion of The Cranberries (RIP), or the Thornberries? We’ll be semi nude, desperate cannibals sitting around a fire, roasting a human when someone asks “You guys remember Ren & Stimpy?” Also, wouldn’t it be cool to have a jacket made from human faces?  

 

From the Stone Age, to colonialism, to the disco era, to 90’s Nicktoons and 9/11, humans have done some wacky shit! We cover it all in this nonsense episode from… you guessed it, the basement. 

 

(Special thanks to our pal Robin for the concept of this episode)

Direct download: DP81_-_Stone_Age_Disco_Weiner.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:34pm PST

Sometimes you gotta yank that cord a few times to get the old mower runnin’. Hey, did you know that we record all of our episodes on old N64 and Playstation Memory Cards? 

This week the Daddios are here to talk about illusions, or are they? Maybe the “topic” is just an illusion, and they’ve sucked you in again to hear more poo poo pee pee talk and John Candy jokes. 

Hey, you know how when you eat pscylocibin mushrooms and you commune with the universe, you feel the complexity and synchronicity of the entire cosmos, and realize that we are all one consciousness? Yeah, is that real? Like is that going on all the time but we just ignore it because we have jobs and Facebook? Or is that euphoric epiphany just some fake-ass illusion brought on by the tidal wave of pleasure chemicals in your brain on drugs? 

We don’t know, but wrestling is fuckin’ cool man. 

Awwww shit, video games, wrestling, Home Improvement with Tim Allen— even your OWN PERSONALITY, It’s all a fuckin’ illusion! but if you believe in your own gimmick hard enough, others will too. James Brown had a mom haircut and his sternum exposed in front of millions of fans, but his confidence never wavered. Like a lion tamer, James Brown couldn’t afford to flinch, or he’d be ripped apart. It’s with this kind of confidence that we bring you another episode of our ramblings. 

So join us! Row row row your boat, gently down the stream, life is but a dream! Don’t you get it?? It’s ALL A DREAM! 

BTW, Who’d you use your Master Ball on?

Direct download: DP80_-_The_Rumble_Pak.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:22am PST

We’re firing on 4 of 5 cylinders, that’s right, we’re (mostly) back! It’s been a little while, and the Daddios have been busy boys. Speakin’ of boys, Lance is no longer one, that’s right, he’s 30! Lance went from Boy 2 Man. In other news, Andy joined the future and bought a 2006 Toyota Prius, and invested in cryptocurrency. What the hell is money anyway? Can you be buried with with your cryptocurrency like King Tutankhamen? or will your student debt spill out like a black cloud on those who open your tomb 5,000 years from now. Lord knows the only defense against debt is a community college degree. 

Listen, we gotta come clean, we don’t really understand money. I guess it’s just an agreement, the value is what we make of it. 

Did your heart break apart like Pangea when you saw Castaway? Well get over it already. Wilson had the right idea, he was “floating on”, playin’ jazz, yaknow rollin’ with the punches. He didn’t want to deal with Tom Hanks’ bullshit attitude anymore. I mean here’s a guy who cuts his tooth out in slow motion with an ice skate, and is all hung up on his wife from the past, what a baby. We should be happy for Wilson, he Floated On more than Modest Mouse. (Wilson later played Tim Allen’s neighbor in Home Improvement, they obscured his face behind a fence because the producers didn't wanna hurt Tom Hanks' feelings). 

Why the hell are we crying about a dang bloody volleyball anyway? I guess it’s just the value we place on it, like cryptocurrency. I guess your Wilson tears are just as real as the bills in your wallet. It’s all made up. But hey! Life ain’t so bleak when ya got the love of your friends and you can laugh about bullshit with em. We’re glad to be back, hope you enjoy. 

 

 

Direct download: DP79_-_Community_College_Magic.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:23am PST

DP78 - When Life Gives You Osage Oranges.

 
Plants, who needs em? 
 
—All of us. I mean they’re really doin’ shit. They eat the sun’s rays and blossom. They convert our exhales back into inhales, automatically, for free, year round. And what do we give them in return? A calendar full of barbaric holiday traditions where we mutilate them or steal their dignity. Halloween, we carve a face into a pumpkin, Christmas, we saw down a tree and take it away from it’s family, and hang little bullshit all over it, then discard it into the street the day after we open presents. Valentines day we show our primate love to one another by plucking beautiful flowers from their nutrient source and letting them slowly dry up and die. 
 
I get it, you think they don’t have feelings. But have you ever eaten psilocybin mushrooms and felt the reality of their awareness? The largest living being on the planet is a fungal network. Wait shit, that isn’t even a plant, but we still believe in how cool plants are!
 
I know, you think you’re morally superior to us because you’re vegan, vegetarian, etc.  But just because your food doesnt scream and bleed doesn’t mean you’re not a monster. You’re probably inside a structure made from cut up tree bodies as you read this. Those sunflower seeds you bought from the gas station were a flower’s children. 
 
Anyway, plants, what do ya do with em? A lot of shit. But when life gives you osage oranges, you play skee ball. 
Direct download: DP78_-_When_Life_Gives_You_Osage_Oranges.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:05pm PST

Cleanliness, what the hell is that? Can we truly clean ourselves or our environment? Are we just smearing the filth around for our own selfish illusion of cleanliness? Also, what the hell happened to all of those people you went to kindergarten with? Collin has a plan for you to find out. 
 
All this and more on this episode of DP. 
Direct download: DP77_-_Jerk_Chicken.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:45pm PST

Before the hurricane season Daddio Patio did a water episode.

Before the vegas shooting they discussed gun violence.
 
Before the avalanche of sexual assault allegations they did an speisode about shame.
 
What other things will Daddio Patio forecast? What's the deal with the world and social media? Why are we all obsessed with our little internet avatar caricatures?
 
This episode we talk about shame, from To Catch a Predator, to Cheaters, to call-out culture, DP gives their limited, cloudy, Busch Beer fueled perspective. 
Direct download: DP76_-_Farts_Stink__Facebook_is_Weird_.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:42pm PST

What’s the deal with waiting for episodes of this podcast? I mean do they really expect you to wait 2 weeks for a shitty episode? 
 
This week, we finally have a dream guest of ours on: Emily D! We all met up to talk about meetings. We each prepared a powerpoint to explain ourselves to one another. 
 
Sometimes meetings are just bullshit, other times, people get down to the real, authentic truth. Speakin’ of the truth, gun violence is pretty fucked up, and so is the city we live in! The apocalypse is imminent, AI grows exponentially, and carbon emissions are destroying our habitat. The daddios take a moment to reflect on these truths before quickly moving on to farts and 90’s nostalgia. 
 
But hey speakin’ of the apocalypse, remember that movie Independence Day? Remember when Jeff Goldblum uploaded AOL version 2.1 on a floppy disk to the Aliens' Dell? The aliens tried to catch him and Will Smith, it was close but no cigar. Our heroes escaped moments before the crazy uncle from Christmas Vacation flew a Kamakaze mission straight into the butthole of the mothership. (that’s how we remembered it, at least). Rumor has it that Jeff Goldblum plays every character in the next one, kinda like The Nutty Professor. 
 
Dr. Sant & Carey join us remotely, as they pet a horse under the beautiful Utah stars. Dr. Sant makes a surprise announcement, and Peaches signs a contract with God. Dang, life's cool. 
 
Check our this beautiful, sincere, heartbreaking, uplifiting, strange episode. This is real freakin’ life, can you believe it?
Direct download: DP75_-_Independence_Day_3.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:37pm PST

Dangit, there’s so much nuance in the day to day existence that it’s hard to tell what’s really a win, and what’s a loss. The truth is, life is fuckin’ weird and confusing— is that why our little minds require the simplicity of a clear, decisive win? I mean sure your boss promoted you, but was it really worth all you had to do? Does your boss even like you? If you’re a winner, stand up and quit your job before the end of this episode. 

This week, the Daddios are joined by special guest Mr. Fingers, who also brought along his own guest: Nick Schleicher. Both of em are fuckin’ losers. I mean, yeah, Mr. Fingers won the Pinewood Derby several times, but it’s only because his dad helped him cheat. Collin came in dead last, but at least his dad was honest. In this twisted world, honest fathers finish dad last. 
 
We didn’t have enough mics for everyone, but hey, ya win some ya lose some. This episode comes a day early so we don’t want any complaints. Go to hell, ya bronze medal babies.
 
Anyway, did Conor really lose to Mayweather? I mean he gained so much money and notoriety. Did Stone Cold really lose at Wrestlemania 13 when he passed out in the sharpshooter with blood all over his face? Is 2 Chainz right? If you woke up this morning did you really win? 
 
It doesn’t matter, because everything is always sometimes. 
 
Thanks for listening, we love ya.
 
Sometimes. 
Direct download: DP74_-_Everything_is_Always_Sometimes.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:33am PST

This week, the Daddios discuss the elixer or life: water. 

Strangely, we decided to record this episode just before the marathon of hurricanes, so while there’s no talk of Hurricane Harvey, there’s plenty of talk about Hurricane Harbor. Water is so freakin important, we depend on it, and it's fun! But when there’s just too much of it, it can be dangerous, and tragic. That shit's no joke! Our cosmic patio energy is with those suffering from the bullshit weather 💖 (listeners, please consider donating to the relief effort of your choice)

-----

Public pool? More like pubic pool! Remember how freakin' gross the stagnant water in the wave pool at Hurricane Harbor was? Our special guest, Nick Schleicher tells the story of when his dad pooped in the wave pool just to watch it evacuate. (Is that a form of terrorism?)

Also, is it really fair that Goro only has two nipples, but four arms? I mean I feel like you should have at least as many nips as you have arms. Did James fuckin' Cameron really go to the bottom of the sea? What kind of fatalities do you think a referee, or a janitor would have in Mortal Kombat? Speakin' of janitors, what's the difference between a janitor and a custodian?

All this & more on this week's Daddio Patio.

Dive in!

Direct download: DP73_-__Ill_Be_There_.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:59pm PST

Animals are dangerous-- fuckin' dangerous. With so many different creatures that could lead you to your demise, which is the scariest? I mean those giant squids I seen on Monster Quest could abuse you in ways you can't even imagine, but a chimp could rip your face off, twist it around it's hand, and spin it like a helicpoter. 

It's obvious, dangit, that humans are the scariest, most evil creatures on the planet. Look what the hell we've done to one another. Can we ever forgive each other? Find out, this week on Daddio Patio, as the boys discuss Dangerous Animals. 

Direct download: DP72_-_Dangerous_Animal_Face_Off.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:24pm PST

Wait, who the hell are you people again? What are we doing? Oh, that's right, we have a podcast, we completely forgot! 

This week, the Daddios were joined by Kevin D to talk about forgetting. None of them could remember a damn thing to say, because they're under 30 and senile. Speakin' of, when's the last time you saw a janitor with a toupee? 

It's good to be back, join the boys this week as they return to the table to discuss what they have forgotten. 

Direct download: DP71_-_Good_Garlic_Barnacle_Son.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 12:34am PST

Direct download: DP70_-_Lobster_McGriddle.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:25pm PST

Direct download: DP69_-_The_Red_Cross_Mosquito_Scam.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:04am PST

Direct download: DP68_-_SPORTS__AGREEMENTS.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:58am PST

Direct download: DP67_-_Untrustable_Uncrustables.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:50am PST

Direct download: DP66_-_Homework_Sucks_School_Pt_2.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 3:20pm PST

Direct download: DP65_-_Back_2_School_Part_1.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:28am PST

Direct download: DP64_-_The_Rude_Claw.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:10pm PST

Direct download: DP63_-_I_hate_it_but_I_love_it.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 10:23pm PST

Direct download: DP62_-_Sea_Dudes___Sky_Guys.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:38pm PST

The daddios talk loosely around disaster. Volcanoes, aliens, Arnold Schwarzenegger, it's all here. 

Direct download: DP61_-_Two_Governors_One_Predator.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 9:27pm PST

Some things in life are full circle, like life, itself. 60 seconds on the clock, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 episodes in the beautiful circle that surrounds the 5 points of our podcast's pentagram. 

 
5 daddios. 60 episodes. 0 souls. 
 
A Daddio Patio reunion through magical circumstance. Welcome to 2017: 
Direct download: DP60_-_Daddio_Patio_Reunion.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:31pm PST

Direct download: DP59_-_I_Believe_Enya_-_12_11_16_11.35_AM.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 3:25am PST

Direct download: DP58_-_Flamin_Hot_Floss.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 3:41pm PST

Direct download: DP57_-_Vengence_is_Simply_Pleasurable.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 8:13pm PST

Direct download: DP56_-_Cream_Lobotomy.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 10:47am PST

Direct download: DP55_-_ZZZ___Surf_Your_Pain_Into_Hell.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 3:32pm PST

Direct download: DP54_-_Call_Now_3_Easy_Payments.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:19am PST

DP53 - Everything, Nothing, & The Midwest
Direct download: DP53_-_Everything_Nothing_and_the_Midwest.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 5:04pm PST

Direct download: DP52_-_DO_YOUR_JOB.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:34pm PST

Direct download: DP51_-_evil_episode.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:37pm PST

Direct download: DP50_-_Mall__-_7_19_15_11.58_PM.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:14pm PST

DP49 - TRIUMPHANT RETURN / Careful Dance
Direct download: DP49_-_TRIUMPHANT_RETURN___Careful_Dance.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:19pm PST

Direct download: Daddio_Patio_Live_Childhood_Part_1_480.mov
Category:general -- posted at: 8:50pm PST

Direct download: DP48_-_Dirty_Daddy.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:34pm PST

Direct download: DP47_-_Double_Your_Pleasure_Double_Your_Fun.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 3:57pm PST

Direct download: DP46_-_Mayonnaise_Martini.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:43am PST

You wanna know the meaning of life? Listen up.

Direct download: DP45_-_H_and_every_time.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 11:01am PST

Everything is cooler in space, or while listening to Tears in Heaven.

Direct download: DP44_-_Space_Janitor.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:19am PST

Daddio Patio is officially 1 YEAR OLD! Check out this awesome montage our good friend, and fan of the show Evan Mueller made! 

Direct download: DP_remix_Lance_mixdown.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:08am PST

Direct download: DP43_-_Robo_Cop_Kisses___106_Racist.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:46pm PST

Direct download: DP42_-_Monsters_are_Real_and_Friendship_is_Magical.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:05am PST

Direct download: DP41_-_briefcase_sex_-_4_28_14_1.37_AM.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:54pm PST

Direct download: DP40_-_Teds_Dead_-_4_20_14_4.14_PM.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:00pm PST

This week the Daddios attempt to discuss the grocery store, only to delve deep into laser sphincter hair removal, lasek, swirlies, and working at Burger King and Dollar Tree.

Direct download: DP39_-_Lil_Smokies_compressed.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:39am PST

Direct download: DP38_-_reverse_episode_cp.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:52pm PST

Direct download: DP37_-_Growin_Pains.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 6:51pm PST

On this episode of Daddio Patio, the Daddios are snowed in and scattered. Each Daddio gets their own segment to discuss whatever's on their mind. Lance talks about his Mardi Gras hangover and paint drying. Van Sant talks about the positive vibes he experienced on his trip to New Orleans. Andy and friends discuss which email service God uses. And to top it off, Peaches plays some easygoing tunes while answering an email from a listener. How does a Daddio act when separated from his kin by the elements? Listen and find out on this week's episode of Daddio Patio!

Direct download: DP36_-_The_Lonely_Episode_-_Compressed.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:44pm PST

On this annoying episode of Daddio Patio, the Daddios get all negative-like and spill their demons on the table. From gnats fiddling around in your ear canals to insensitive wall-eyes drivers on the highway, we hate 'em all. It's the "Annoying/Negative" epsiode and we're all bent out of shape just talking about it. But even in a world full of endless causes for frustration and fluctuations in blood pressure, hilarity is always there, dancing among the ridiculous triggers, waiting to wake us up. So if you're annoyed by cats in heat, marathon bumper stickers or just other people impeding your own all-important life's journey, then this episode's for you!

Direct download: DP35_-_The_Negative_Episode.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:35pm PST

This week, Andy joins the Daddios from the sinful Drug Den. The Daddios discuss eating humans again, and the surreal atmosphere of "Body Worlds". Have you ever seen an old naked man sliced into book before? It'll alter your life's course forever. Also they discuss tattooing birds, the tragedy of dogs, and the awkwardness of the sperm donor lobby. From shitting out your own pelvis, to thanking Action Bronson, nothing is off-limits on this episode. All of these things and more on this week's episode of Daddio Patio!

Direct download: DP34_-_Action_Bronson_compressed.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:06pm PST

This week, the Daddios really bro it down. This episode has absolutely no structure, from Sushi to fixing lady make up, the pentagram speaks from the heart. 

Direct download: DP33_-_International_Language_of_Chub_compressed_2.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:53pm PST

Direct download: DP32_-_Nano_Banano___Nerds_Rope_Suicide.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:53pm PST

Are you as sick of being sick as the Daddios? Join them this week as they discuss illnesses, the shitty symptoms that accompany them, and the ultimate conclusion: the Daddios are all terminally sick in the mind. It's funny how illnesses have that humbling little way about them. I mean, can you possibly retain any sliver of self-respect while sitting sideways in the toilet blasting diarrhea while puking in the sink at the same time? So fill that mug with NyQuil, put an ice sack on your forehead and get down with the sickness on this episode of Daddio Patio!

Direct download: DP30__-_Full_Circle_Siccness_1_17_14_2.34_PM.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:07pm PST

It's a new year and a new start for the Daddios, as they gather at a wounded Peaches' house. From the absurdity of infomercials to hooking up at the hospital, all the way to pooping in your pants on a roller coaster on your first date, all filthy bases are covered. Listen as the Daddios, and special guest Fingerhut confess their New Year's Resolutions only to be bested by Peaches' dad with simple diamond-cut logic. All this and more on the last Daddio Patio of 2013!

Direct download: DP29_-_Gravity__Symmetry.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:42pm PST

On this episode of Daddio Patio, the Daddios discuss which toys they remember most fondly. Ain't it beautiful how little pieces of molded plastic and rubber could fill our youth with such exhileration? From Stretch Armstrong to Mighty Max, Barbie to Skip-it. Those bright colors, those new toy smells and those endless adventures! They all made us smile and they all filled us with pure excitement. And you can join in on the excitement as you listen to the Daddios play Russian Roulette to the death, cap gun style. Who's going to be turned into a ghost by the end of the night? Find out on this episode of Daddio Patio!

The Daddios celebrate Christmas together in this two-parter. Forest fires, gingerbread cookies and cripple jokes ensue! Merry Christmas everybody!

Direct download: Daddio_Patio_Episode_25.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:11am PST

This week the Daddios venture into the world of small talk, they discuss the weather, coffee, and mole configurations. Midway, they're joined by a guest, and the episode takes an exciting turn! The Daddios are divided by their preference for Home Alone 1 or 2. 

Direct download: Daddio_Patio_Full.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:10pm PST

There's no excuse for the absence of Daddio Patio. This week the Daddios discuss excuses, Abraham Lincoln, hallucinogens, mustaches, guns, brunch, everything. This week marks the triumphant return of your favorite podcast, brought to you from the 59th St. Apple store in NYC.

Direct download: Daddio_Patio_25_EXCUSES_-_12_9_13_4.10_PM_full.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:16pm PST

Criminals can't stop Daddio Patio, we're back to talk about BAD ASS SHIT!

Direct download: Daddio_Patio_-_Badass_Edition_-_12_7_13_8.35_PM.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:50pm PST

The Daddios are all criminals. This week, Lance drunkenly explores Clayton, only to be apprehended by the police, Collin commits a felony, Andy flees the country with warrants from a Nerf gun battle, Van Sant endangers innocent school children, and Peaches gets away from the police with a boner. Check it out!

Direct download: DP23__-_Criminology.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:20am PST

Gargoyles, Raiden, Goldust, Bone-asaurus Rex, Flaccidactyls, machetes, ghosts, it's all here! Get in the spirit goddangit! Trick R' Treat with the Daddios on this week's Halloween special. 

Direct download: DP22__-_Halloween.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:08pm PST

The Daddios waited until the last minute to make, edit, and release this week's gem. Also, Lance soils his reputation by confessing all of the times he masturbated in public as a child. Enjoy!

Direct download: DP21_-_Procrasturbation.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:11pm PST

This week the Daddios make their peace with The Universe.

Direct download: DP20_-_Communion_With_The_Universe.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:26am PST

This week the Daddios Discuss old friends, and sit on the park bench like bookends. 

Direct download: DP19__-_What_Your_Ol_Pal_Said.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:38pm PST

Direct download: DP18_-_Strangers.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:51pm PST

From the deep reaches of the cosmos, the Daddios discuss life big and small. 

Direct download: DP17__-_Extra_Terrestrial.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:20pm PST

This week the Daddios discussed disgust. Check it out!

Direct download: DP16.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:24pm PST

This week the Daddios discuss the animal kingdom. Robin Mennel and Jon Brunts call in to share their perspective. Violent chimpanzees, goats, crows, reptiles, gerbils, this episode has it all! 

Direct download: DP15__-_Daddio_Patio__Animal_Edition.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:21pm PST